Mandy Blake

6" x 9" watercolor on 140 lb.  Strathmore paper. 
 

    "In a side note, if you are interested in knowing about my personal life, I hate dating in my 40's because...sigh...I don't know. I don't think men suck but why do I continuously get people that are unable? I put myself out there, opened up my heart once again and here we go again. I mean, I'm pretty like, I'm good to my core, so I'll be fine. But it's like, damn! How do I just keep making the same bad mistakes over and over again? Like I just don't get it. 

Why? 

    Why do I keep picking people that don't show up when they say they are going to show up or are alcoholics or are deeply insecure and need me to constantly validate them. Like, I know I'm not the greatest catch ever but I'm smart enough, I'm kind, responsible, I take care of myself. I have as descent amount of confidence that I developed since I was 35. Maybe in my early 20's and early 30"s I was not the most confident person, but now I am and I like my life. I love my life actually and I feel like, I have a lot to offer in a relationship. 

    Why can't I find someone who is just kind and thoughtful and responsible and will show up for me, like I am willing to show up for them and who is confident. Confidence is so important. I mean, I guess all of those guys are married, I don't know. I don't know how it works. But anyways, I've got my heart broken once again cause I just keep putting it out there and the truth is, I'll keep on putting it out there because that's who I am. 

I don't know, I guess I'm pretty fuckin' resilient in regards to keep showing up and I guess if I keep showing up and putting myself out there, eventually I will find someone who does love me, who is worthy of loving me and will show me the care and love that I deserve and can show them the care and love that they deserve as well." -Mandy Blake


This is my 9th portrait in my #women4women series. If you would like to follow Mandy along as she goes on hikes and shares her knowledge on wild flowers and mushrooms, please click the link below:

https://www.tiktok.com/@rangermandy2020?_t=8obPWR2ckUY&_r=1

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