Robin Clark
Get more excited about leaving people who are not healthy for you. People tend to behave their best at the beginning and things only get worse from there so its what happens in the beginning, is a preview of what's coming. A little bit of evasiveness, a little bit of lying, a little bit of blaming people and refusing to take responsibility at the beginning, is like an avalanche later that is going to turn into a... just dump truck of dysfunction later on and you can avoid that. The issue, is that we tend to pick people where we can re-enact the dysfunctional dynamics of our family's to try and get it better this time.
But part of being a good adult and protector to yourself is to bear hug the young part of you that little like koala self that just wants to grab onto a familiar tree and bear hug them and be like, honey,
"We are not doing that anymore"
...and march yourself off into therapy and a healing process so that you can change the inner dynamics that have made you drawn to these people so you're not drawn to them anymore. But in the meantime, you gotta learn how to throw the fish back in the river and instead of seeing red flags as an invitation to try harder, you actually get what they mean.
Red Flag means, stop. And that you pull over and leave the situation. Now all of us are taught to try harder. But if you have to ask someone for honesty, it already isn't going to be honest, because people who are honest, operate from that level of forthrightness all the time. You don't have to ask them for it. If you have to someone for maturity, you're saying,
"I don't like the level of maturity you're at"
But we are all just the level of awareness we have. So what you're saying is,
"I see who you are and I don't like it and I wish you would try to change."
...and that's going right back to childhood. Your adult self is going to see things for what they are and be like, is this healthy for me, or not? And I am telling you, it is healthy as fuck to have some dealbreakers. Women are taught not to, we are taught to give a million chances and turn the other cheek and see the best in people and that's how you stay trapped in shitty relationships that will suck the life out of you, trust me, know it.
So get some dealbreakers. From your adult-self. Now your child little koala-self, she's not gonna wanna listen to any of that. She's gonna have a big tantrum. But part of being an adult is making adult choices, recognizing the red flags and walking away when they are not healthy for you. Get some dealbreakers. Get excited about throwing unworthy fish back in the river.
-loverrobinclark
This is my eighth portrait in my #women4women series. If you would like to see more of Robin's videos and hear more words of feminist wisdom, please click on the following link:
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